Liebster Award

Your Love Pills | J25code2

Hello and good sunday everybody, today I recieved a nomination for the Liebster Award by the blog Counselling journal, (thanks you so much btw).

liebster-award

The Liebster award is a recognition given to small bloggers by other small bloggers (max 200 followers), and as such is an absolutely lovely idea.

The rule for the awards are:

1. Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog. (https://counsellingjournal.wordpress.com/)

2. Post 11 facts about yourself, answering the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.

3. Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.

4. Display the Liebster Award logo.

5.  No tag back thingys.

So, here are my answers to the 11 questions;

1. You find a magic lamp with a genie in, and are granted…

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Liebster Award

liebster-award So, a lovely surprise for me, I have been nominated for the Liebster Award by Rita Harvey. Thank you so much, Rita! The Liebster award is a recognition given to small bloggers by other small bloggers (max 200 followers), and as such is an absolutely lovely idea.

The rule for the awards are:

1. Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog. (http://ritaharvey.wordpress.com)

2. Post 11 facts about yourself, answering the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.

3. Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.

4. Display the Liebster Award logo.

5.  No tag back thingys.

 

So, here are my answers to Rita‘s questions;

1. Describe yourself in 3 words. Thoughtful, Lazy, Sensitive

2. Where would you want to be right now? Having a long lazy sunday morning lie in, in my boyfriend’s bed. You know, coffee and newspapers, not that much reading going on, dozing for a bit, waking up for a bit. I think the stuff that is unsaid probably screams louder than the stuff I’ve said here (!)…

3. Tell me about one of your “dreams”. I sleep very heavily and don’t often remember my dreams at night – only if I have nightmares, as a rule, and truthfully, I haven’t had one of those for some time now. My waking dream though, is one where I am finally qualified in my chosen profession, am living in a house that is actually big enough for us – I can have space, and peace, and a lovely garden to sit in on a sunny day like today. That I finally feel fully secure, both financially and emotionally, and can give my children things that they both need and (sometimes) want too.

4. What’s your favourite childhood story? Where The Wild Things Are – no question! Didn’t even have to think about it – it is one of my favourite books ever. I read it to my own children so often that they hid it from me in the end, they got so sick of it! (wrong way around, that one, isn’t it?)

5. If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money? First and foremost, University fund for the kids! I do worry about how I am going to fund this when it happens (which is in only a few years time) Payback of all the debts I have accumulated. My family have been more than supportive to me over the last few years whilst I have been in a state of, erm, flux. They deserve treating too! Then, a house for me and the kids; not too big (I hate cleaning) – maybe it would even be time to invite the boyfriend to take the next step and move in with us, if that were to happen?

6. Your favourite animal. Easy, a cat. A domestic house cat. I could very easily become a crazy cat lady. I love the combination of total disdain and total affection that cats give to humans. And they sleep a lot. (Mmmm… sleep…)

7. Your favourite food. Anything with artichoke on/in. Usually italian cuisine.  A nice thin pizza works best for me, but salads are good too. I’m not huge on pasta though, or anything carb-like, generally.

8. Your best qualities are… I am fiercely loyal. I work hard when I care about something, and I am what most people would describe as a caring type of person.

9. Your worst qualities are… I can be reckless and impulsive, and get caught up and carried away in ideas, at the expense of  everything else around me sometimes. I want to believe in dreams coming true, and so I work hard to make that happen. Too hard sometimes, as it can make me overlook reality.

10.How do you have fun? Being silly! I love being silly! Music gets me high; I sing A LOT (badly). I dance (badly too) I take great pleasure in embarrassing my kids whenever I can – they don’t seem to be phased by it any more, sadly. I love a good book or a good film. I love spending time with friends and family, being silly –  that sounds like fun, yes.

11. How do you feel receiving this award? Extremely flattered! Especially being nominated by such an accomplished blogger and therapist. I’m touched that my little old journal is read and enjoyed by anyone else – let alone someone that I respect and admire so much. A real honour. Thanks once again, Rita.

 

Now, my 11 nominees:

Your Love Pills/ J25code2

Eleven-Nineteen

The Inner Woman

It’s Not Crazy. It’s Passionate

A Canvas Of The Minds

purplepersuasion

healthpsychologyconsultancy

A Spiritual Journey

Diary of the Princess Of the Tides

Diminish The Stigma

Crystallball7’s blog

And the 11 questions I would  like to ask my nominees;

You find a magic lamp with a genie in, and are granted three wishes. What are they? (You are not allowed to wish for more wishes)

What did you want to be when you were a child?

 

Who has been the most influential person in your life, and why? What are your three favourite films ever?

What is the best smell in the whole world, to you?

What do you do to relax?

What is your happiest memory?

What is your most treasured possession?

Which websites do you look at most often? Describe your perfect evening to me. What would it involve you doing?

What makes you laugh?

Journal post 30; Monday 13th May 2013

This has been a strange week and I have had real problems writing this journal as a result. The day spent at college, monday, was a day that was dominated with preparation for the forthcoming exam, and completing our practical assessments.  All of a sudden I felt overwhelmed with pressure. Pressure and fear. We took a past paper, and even though we have done these before, and I had previously felt quite comfortable with them, this time I struggled, and I mean REALLY struggled with it.  The process of articulating all of these actions which, when  practised within the counselling room seem to come naturally, almost through intuition or some kind of felt sense, suddenly seemed incredibly difficult. A bit like describing how to breathe. A strange turnaround, because for so many months of this year I have been busy writing about the counselling process, far busier writing about it than actually doing it. These days it is the opposite way around; at present I am counselling six  clients a week , and I certainly do not find six hours a week in which to sit down and write. Maybe that is why I struggled?

There is also the thing that I have always hated about exams – the fact that I have to hand write. That means not just that the words are written out by hand, but that they are fixed in their place in a way that they simply aren’t when using a computer. When writing like this, in my journal or in an essay, i will write and edit, rewrite, edit again, cut, paste, jiggle bits around, change words and change sentence structures several times over in the course of one piece of writing. This, in my opinion, makes for a much clearer, more succinct piece of writing – my natural way of speaking is to use far more words than are strictly necessary, and as such, so is my unedited writing voice – this is not good for an exam!

So, I am afraid. Not only am I afraid, but I am quite a self aware person these days – this means that I am aware that I am afraid. This is also not a good thing because, for me, fear breeds more fear. I start off feeling a little anxious, and then start getting anxious about the fact that I am anxious, on top of the original things that I am anxious about, and before you know what is going on, I am having to use techniques that I learnt many years ago in CBT to avoid a panic attack coming on! (Just one of the reasons I am still not a huge fan of CBT, because even though it helps me to deal with anxiety when it comes along, it has done little to help me get to the root of  what causes me to suffer from such severe anxiety, and so now – years later – here I am, still suffering , when I really have no good reason to) I think that in previous journals I have mentioned the fact that it took me many attempts to pass my driving test –  an example of the same process. Right now I really am feeling that same process going on, and I don’t like it at all. Awareness is supposed to help you deal with things better , supposedly; one of the principles underpinning the whole purpose of counselling.  Well, I hate to say it, but this is an occasion for me where I disagree with that statement. Awareness of my anxiety seems to only fuel it further!

So is that why I have found it hard to write this week? Partly, but also I think that the letter that arrived on tuesday morning, from the college, saying that counselling courses were no longer going to be offered, had an impact too. A sudden realisation that not only am I reaching the end of this year’s course, but that I am reaching the end of my time at this college altogether. This was certainly something that had been in the air all day on monday – as a group we had been in good form, but the high spirits felt strained, almost forced at times. For me, it felt like it was getting close to that mania, that bipolar high, that ‘I’m actually really not very happy at all but I just can’t stop behaving in this way because it is just what I have to do right now’ feeling. Maybe a bit of denial at the loss I know I am about to feel? Maybe I am thoroughly determined to enjoy the time I have left, and so feel the need to act in a bit of a slightly over the top, happy, silly kind of way? I don’t know, I really don’t, and I have spent a lot of time this week trying to work it out – equally though, I am aware that every time I have sat down to write this journal I have been unable to get anywhere with it – an unconscious avoidance of having to really acknowledge those feelings, maybe?

It is the end. We are nearing the end of the course, we are facing goodbyes, and the potential endings of the relationships we have formed, and we are reaching a point where we have to make decisions about our future. And that is scary. And I am scared. And I can’t resolve this fear right now – thinking it through doesn’t change it. I am going to have to sit with this, at the very least until after the exam – probably for quite a while after that too, I suspect.